Marriage Fallacy and mental health
- Nqoba Maryln Sibenke
- Apr 20, 2025
- 2 min read
We bid goodbye to March the women’s month and welcome a new season . I feel we would have done a great injustice if we do not engage in this crucial conversation pertaining to societal expectations and marriage age and how it affects the mental health of women.
As women approach 25 society starts asking the “when” question. One of the major causes of depression among single women stems from society’s pressure on marriage. Society especially in the African context seems to have attached the value of women to their marriage status . As such some single women feel worthless and develop a low self esteem. Single women are likely to feel inferior to their married counterparts; they may also expérience feelings of being unwanted. The highlighted issues usually escalate to social isolation and withdrawal which is not healthy.
Anxiety is another mental health issue that unmarried women often experience. They become anxious about the future and whether they will find a suitable partner. Anxiety may also be related to social events where they might be asked the “why” question or where they meet their married counterparts. A usual coping mechanism is overworking and setting goals for achievement for example educational and career related goals . This works as a compensation for the lack of a partner and usually boosts self esteem and confidence.
Internalised shame is a state in which individuals become self conscious and more critical of themselves. This might be due to past failed relationships. Individuals may not be satisfied with their body shape and size and become obsessed with healthy practices like gym and healthy eating and dieting. In some cases women become fashion fanatics as they seek to make themselves more attractive to the opposite sex. The disadvantage is that they may lose their own identity in the process, adopt unrealistic standards that may be difficult to maintain . This further exposes one to Mental health issues like eating disorders, obesity, depression among others .
As individuals seek to attract marriage partners they find themselves under pressure and may compromise their standards. Engaging in unhealthy, abusive relationships out of desperation is one of the dangers that unmarried women find themselves in. On the other hand there’s fear and avoidance of intimate relationships as a result of past experiences.
Having discussed potential mental health implications it is important to identify how to cope with these. A key solution is building healthy friendships and relationships with peers , workmates etc . Engaging in social interactions boosts confidence and reduces anxiety and depression. Self development as highlighted above provides a sense of worth and purpose. Remember to maintain realistic goals . Self care is essential and can be very helpful. As we engage in these it is also important to engage professional counsellors and therapists so one can be able to deal with emotional and psychological issues. If there are support groups for people with similar issues.
As a society it is time we change the narrative, become supportive and develop positive interactive habits. Remember our interaction may contribute positively or negatively towards someone’s mental health.
Your feedback and thoughts are welcome.
By Nqoba Maryln Sibenke
If the aim is to trigger debate and discussion, this article certainly will.
I humbly submit that it is quite overgeneralised and oversimplified.
More and more women are getting to their mid to late 30s by choice. There are subcultures that marry off very young girls and , in some cases exert undue pressure on ladies to settle for any offer of marriage , just in case no other offer will come.
Career women and serious business women often make the choice to defer marriage, while many are reluctant , after witnessing the experiences of married agemates.
Let us be careful about depression because , unless there is scientific evidence showing it to be more common among the single ladies…